Time

I know I am not the only one today starting off my blog post with
"Can you believe it is almost the first day of February?"

As much as I try to slow it down, to grasp it tightly, the days fly by...their limbs get longer, their laughter gets louder, their brains get smarter.
My children are not who they were a mere month ago.
Childhood is so fleeting...it goes by so quickly and they change with every restful night of sleep.
I love their pliancy, their ability to to morph into new phases, their ease into a new inch, a new thought even.
They inspire me.  Even an old dog can learn new tricks.  ;)

I am not who I was a mere month ago either.
I prayed for a big change in January.  But before I tell you about it, let me backtrack a little.

November and December were full of anxiety for me...a yucky anxiety that stopped me from maintaining the pace I had inhabited.  A pace that only a SuperWoman could handle. 
I woke up one day with panic that literally stopped me in my tracks.
I could no longer function in the life that I had created.  It left me immobilized and scared.  It left me in a place that I had to call out to the Lord to rescue me.  I needed to heal and let go.  It was the first time in my life that I literally let go of everything and said, "God, rescue me,  please."

He did.  He showed up big time.  He led me through the darkness until I came back to myself.  Anxiety and panic are terrifying things.  They are the Devils Attack.  I knew that, and I knew that God was by my side.  I took it one day at a time. 

By Christmas time I was feeling much better.  I knew though, that I had to make some big changes in my life.  I could no longer run through every day as if it were a race, trying to get everything I could done.  I knew I was going to have to learn to start saying no to things.  I knew I was going to have to take good care of myself, which included exercising regularly and eating foods that serve my body well.  I knew that work could no longer be my first priority.  I knew that I could no longer try to be everyone for everybody.  I had literally made myself sick, and I knew I never wanted to do that again.

When the New Year began, I asked God to change me.
I asked Him to give me some quiet.  I asked Him to help me change all of these terrible habits that I had grown into, and to give me the strength to become a healthy woman.  A woman who loves God first.  A woman who takes care of herself.  A woman who takes pride in being an honorable wife and mother.  A woman who gives integrity to her work, even if that means not working as much.  A woman who is content.

I am happy to say that I am becoming that woman.  Please don't mistake that comment for conceit or pride.  I have much to work towards.  I am as far as perfect as you could be!  I just mean to tell you that when you make the time to put God first, a certain peace fills your heart.


I had no earlier intention of posting this, but then the message to share came loud and clear on a whim and here I am, an hour later, sharing this with you.
I know a lot of you deal with anxiety on many different levels, and I want you to know that you are not alone.
I want you to know that even if you feel like you are at the bottom of deep, dark well, God will pull you out.  Call out to Him.  He is there.

In HIS grace,
Chrissie