Thursday, July 1, 2010

Contemplation and REALLY learning to trust (or, Turning 35)

Almost a year ago I was contacted by a very reputable card company who was interested in my art.  I worked with an editor for about four months and we put together a small line of about 8 cards.  The cards went out for a market review back in October.

I got news this week that the cards didn't score high enough in the market review for the company to license the line.  I have to say that the experience I had developing the line was wonderful.  I learned a lot!  The editor I worked with was gracious and knowledgable and taught me so much.  But I will admit that when I heard the news I was so very disappointed.  Licensing has been a dream of mine for so long now.

So when I celebrated my 35th birthday a couple of days later (yesterday) I was in a very contemplative state.  I've been praying for this dream to become a reality for a long time now.  I laid in bed that night and I asked God if this is what He wants me to do.  Should I keep working as an artist, trying to gain a licensing deal?  Maybe I could take the line and market it myself.  I thought God did not place a dream in your heart without a reason.


And then I heard, clear as day, Trust Me, child.  Give your heart  fully to me and I will help you.

Now let me be clear when I say that being a mother and wife is my full time job.  My family is my number one priority and I am confident that God and I can agree on that.
Writing books and creating art is something that I love to do.  But apparently God has something else in store for me.

I have to say with an honest and open heart that letting go is very hard for me.  What if God has different plans for me?  What if creating art for a living is not what he intends?  What if what he intends for me is crazy and unexepected and not what I have been yearning for and working for?  Or what if it only to care for my family right now and not follow my own dream?

So when I heard it...Trust Me, child, I wanted to say, Ok.  Here is my heart and soul.  I am YOURS.  I trust you completely.  Do with me what you will.  I trust that you have a plan for me.

Friends, I am not 100% there yet.  But I see that.  My prayer now is:  God, please soften my heart.  Please take away the anxiety I feel about not being the one in supreme control.  I pray that the strength will come soon when I can leave my comfort zone and say, "I trust you fully".

And it will come.  I am certain of that.


Createology said...

You are wise beyond your 35 years. Keep creating...

Mary said...

Chrissie He knows your heart and your hearts desires. He is your Abba, and wants to give you the desires of your heart. (which what I hear you really saying is what his plan for you is). If they are not in line he will let you know. Sometimes it's hard to let go of the good for the better!!

Hope you had a great birthday, mine was last Sunday. :)


Pokey said...

Thank you for lifting my heart toward the ways of God today. I'm facing July, doing something that seems completely out of my element (teaching English to 43 jr. high exchange students), and yet, it isn't really. I have such anxiety, and I have taught for 30+ years. When I am feeling so inadequate, I'm reminded that God made a way for this, He will continue to give the grace needed. Your post was another reminder of His faithfulness to all His children.
Thank you, pokey

SheilaC said...

Thank you for giving me something to think about... I am at a crossroads in my life too, and while I am trying to let go and KNOW that what is best for me is what will BE...

It is difficult sometimes..

good luck

sara said...

Happy B-day :)

His plan will be even better than you think! I know it!

Thanks for sharing that with us.

Adrienne said...

i love your art and your thoughts are very inspiring today! happy day to you... minus the 'b' word ;)

feather said...

whatever comes your way, god will be there with you. just remember...and trust.

happy birthday, my friend!

Unknown said...

Keep on listening, I know it is hard when other things take up your time and space, but he will lead you and believe me it can be quite a journey. I know I am not where I need to be but by the grace of God I am not where I used to be. Happy belated Birthday.
Beverley xx

Tasha Horsley said...

i am sure you will get your answers! i can relate to what you are saying...being a mother and an artist is a tricky thing because we love being both. :)

keep praying, keep creating, keep being the best mom you can and i'm sure everything will turn out.

have a happy 4th!

Bold In The Soul said...

So remember everything comes in HIS time, not ours. Just because your dreams have not YET been fullfilled doesn't mean it wasn't placed in YOUR heart by HIM.

Chris, you know how long and how hard we prayed for our sweet precious miracle baby.
For so many years I questioned the song in my heart for the family I could clearly see, I wondered if what I knew in my heart was just the selfish humanity in me, I wondered and I questioned and I doubted and then one day, I surrendered.

I changed everything.

Instead of asking for what I wanted and did not yet have...I gave everything I already had to HIM, I started to prepare for the miracle to come because I knew that I knew that she would come and I realized we were not yet ready.
I started to prepare my crops for the rain that was coming instead of sitting there.....waiting for the rain to come.
Do you remember this?

What can you do to prepare for your path which was laid for you even before you were born?

I love you to pieces!